An Exercise in Forgiveness (before you rush into it!)

Today is the Summer Solstice (Winter for some of you), a significant day for me because one year ago I got married, and now, I am not. But I come bearing a gift 🎁 for myself and for you.

Before you try to forgive anyone that hurt you, especially someone with narcissistic traits, try this exercise that I devised for that very purpose.

Be the villain of a story, the hero’s journey:

Do this like it’s an exercise in a workbook. Describe a time in your life, where you were the villain. We have all been at some point! Write it as a story. Start at the rosy, hopeful beginning. Meeting the person, whether friend, family member or lover. It’s wonderful! But something goes wrong. You do the person dirty. Maybe you betray them and lie about it. Maybe you are jealous and gossip about the person and it hurts them. Maybe you steal the limelight on their special day or flirt shamelessly with their partner. You know what you did 😉

It seems to end in tragedy 🎭 but the remorse and shame changes u. Describe how each character feels and suffers. The pain, the disappointment, the loss. Maybe your relationship ends as a result.

You feel the guilt and remorse. You make a heartfelt gesture to win back your person. And the victim accepts your apology and forgives you. They may choose to walk away with no hard feelings.

Even if it didn’t end that way in real life, see the lesson in the story, for both you and other. Turning the tables helps us understand that we have all played the villain, but it’s the healthy shame that accompanies our bad behavior that invites us to self reflect and feel empathy and remorse.

The alternate timeline

If you are dealing with a narcissist, there will be no empathy and remorse from the them. Hold on to truth through the gaslighting, deflection and reverse blaming.

There will be no apology, just a disappearing act. Silence that is screaming with unfinished business.

They will likely not learn from the experience, but you certainly can. You can heal with or without them. You can give yourself closure.

Write this ending too in your story. Two alternative timelines. In this one, you refuse accountability and bury the truth of what you have done. This may even have happened in your real story. The relationship ends abruptly and painfully. Your heart holds onto the shame and you seem to attract painful experiences. It is a tragic ending, with you alone in a room ruminating about what you did. A single tear runs down your face.

The higher perspective

Now add a surprise last scene: a zoom out of the situation. From a spirit point of view. Scene: a soul family in the etheric realm are in council, discussing their roles in the next lifetime.

Point of view from your soul: You look around the table. One of your soul-mates asks who will teach them a lesson in forgiveness. Betray them, deceive them, cheat them. Everyone looks down sheepishly, avoiding the gaze of the soul. It’s a difficult role to play… especially under the veil of forgetfulness during incarnation. The soul implores someone to do it for them. They need the lesson to evolve and grow. You remember how this soul did the same for you in a past life, and you grew so much from the experience. You also know that you need to unpack your shadow in this lifetime so you need experiences in shame, regret and remorse in order to forgive yourself. You bravely raise your hand.

“I will do it, my love.“

“Thank you, my friend!!”

Your soul-mate is delighted! You shake on the deal and wish each other best of strength for the upcoming free will choice. You are both aware that this agreement will be forgotten in your incarnation. And you will experience the pain fully. You will each have the choice to accept the truth and heal from it during your lifetime… or not.

This exercise not only allows you to forgive yourself, but shows how the experience was needed by everyone involved. It shows the power of free will and the different timelines we choose in every situation. Everyone was given the opportunity to grow, whether they realise it or not. The lesson will keep coming up for you to choose differently until the lesson reaches you.

Everything and everyone is perfect in spiritual terms. We are all playing roles for our souls to learn the lessons they came here for.

Obviously this is a simplified version of the complexity of soul contracts which we could not fathom in our realm of knowledge. But it zones in on an important understanding of suffering. On the hero’s journey, there have to be villains to challenge them, there have to be experiences with the pressure to survive and a decision to thrive.

Relating this lesson to narcissistic abuse

Know that the narcissist is also on this journey. Even if it takes many lifetimes of being the villain, they came to experience just that. It is not up to you or anyone else to interfere with their free will. That ‘coming to God’ moment is ultimately a choice. And they will no doubt have many opportunities to find that within themselves.

But you my friend, are learning the power of giving closure to yourself, of not condoning their bad behavior, of standing your ground in truth, and rising to understanding through a spiritual lens.

The anger, bitterness and resentment for the person’s actions and behavior is a sacred rite of passage. To accept darkness from others, to know that people can hurt you, remorseless and unrepentant, may be foreign to you. But this darkness is just their shadow projected outward. Your job in this drama is the acceptance of truth. Standing up for yourself and refusing manipulation, abuse and falsehood, brings in light that cannot be tolerated by those who prefer to play in darkness.

Do not suppress this sacred rage because it is your power returning to you. But return every time, to love and gratitude for the blessings you do have in your life. And believe me they are there, in the love of family and friends who do show empathy and compassion for your pain, in the unconditional love of your pets through every moment in their presence, in the unbelievable beauty of Mother Nature that offers comfort every time you step out into her embrace, in the courage of countless people sharing their stories of pain and healing, in the ever present grace of God in many forms, angels, guides and ascended masters.

When you are ready, explore the situation from the heavenly perspective, of souls making agreements before incarnation.

You can forgive and accept the lesson from this perspective. A spiritual graduation from one of the most powerful experiences we can have. Being hurt deeply and not receiving an apology, not having closure. Explore the role of victim as long as you need to, but then remember that you are in fact not the victim, but the hero in your story. The hero who stands courageously in the light of truth and with the return of your power, can create beautifully in the world! It was after all, an initiation into the sovereign being you will become!

My journey to sovereignty

When I was hurt and discarded by the person I had entrusted my heart to, I chose to turn inward and opened myself to God’s boundless love and healing wisdom. You can follow my inner journey these past few months, in my blogs chronicling my sacred journey, my Yatra to where I stand now. Knowing my worth, reclaiming my power, feeling connected to the divine 🙏🏽

I have so much more to share with a full heart and love for each reader who finds this! Join me for my next blog before the year ends: The Year 2025 in Lessons.

Follow me on Facebook (Yashoda Yatra) or Instagram (@yashodayatra) for the update when published. Find the links to connect with me below. It’s going to be a zinger!! Like this year has been 😁

Along with an announcement of a new project… something I am feeling called to create. A community of like-minded folks on their own Yatra, eager to share and learn together in a safe space. If this resonates with you and sounds like something you would be interested in, please let me know on my socials!! I would love the feedback 🤗

With love,

Yashoda ❤️